


Words Fail

by lovemuffin432



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, DWIT Aftermath, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Relationships, Sad, prinxiety if you squint - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:55:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21865594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovemuffin432/pseuds/lovemuffin432
Summary: Set directly after DWITWhat went through Virgil's head after his "confession.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	Words Fail

**Author's Note:**

> best enjoyed while listening to Words Fail from DEH 
> 
> I wrote this months ago, but it's Virgil's birthday, so, suffer.

“Because I was one of them.”

There it was; the big reveal.   
  


_ I never meant to make it such a mess. _

It needed to be said, and Virgil wasn’t going to let anyone else say it.   
At least, not them.   
  


_ I never thought that it would go this far.  _

And yet, as he looked down at Thomas’ face, he wondered if he had made the right choice.

_ So I just stand here, sorry, searching for something to say… _

Silence.

Horrified silence.

_ Something to say… _

Virgil sniffed, feeling his eyes well with tears, and sank down.

_ Words fail, words fail… _

_ There’s nothing I can say. _

He rose into his room, and the tears began to fall.

He looked around at his room, and at the memories it brought back.

Memories of his time with them. 

_ I guess I thought I could be part of this,  _

_ I never had this kind of thing before. _

He looked to the corner where Roman had stood, and felt remorse at how he had treated him for so long, and pride for how much they had both grown to love each other.

_ I never had that perfect guy, who somehow could see the good part of me. _ __

That was history now. 

He waved a hand, and the TV, the lamp, and the Nightmare Before Christmas poster all faded away.

He gazed over to Patton’s side of the room, and reminisced over his ordeal with the curtains, and smiled at Logan’s little area, still hearing the yell of “Yerkes-Dodson”, making him laugh a little. 

_ I never had the dad who stuck it out, _

_ No corny jokes, or baseball gloves. _

_ No mom who just was there,  _

_ Cos mom was all that she had to be. _

Then he remembered that day, how it was all his fault, and his laughter turned into heavy sobs.

He waved his hand again, and the features of that part of the room faded away, leaving only a shell of the room it once was. 

_ That’s not a worthy explanation, I know, _

_ There is none. _

He remembered things other than his friends too. 

He remembered the lies, the insults, the dark side in him.

_ Nothing can make sense of all these things I’ve done. _

_ Words fail, words fail,  _

_ There’s nothing I can say. _

He remembered his enemies.

And all the things he had fallen for.

_ Except sometimes, you see everything you wanted, _

How could he have been so stupid? 

That snake could never be trusted, he should’ve known.

_ And sometimes, you see everything you wish you had. _

But running away was even stupider. 

That was the one thing Deceit had been right about; he would never be rid of them, running just made things worse.

_ And it’s right there, _

Where would he go now? His heart pounded.

_ Right there,  _

No one would ever have him back. He choked on a sob.

_ Right there, in front of you. _

He was alone.

Not a Dark Side, not a Light Side.

A total outcast.

_ And you want to believe it’s true. _

Virgil closed his eyes, and heaved a sigh. He felt a slight tingle, and when he opened his eyes, his handmade hoodie had been replaced by his old one.

_ So you make it true. _

His tears only fell faster, though he tried to wipe them away.

_ And you think, maybe, everybody wants it, _

His new hoodie had represented how he “fit in” with the Light Sides.

_ Needs it,  _

What a load of bullshit.

_ A little bit, too. _

The hoodie was exactly as he had worn it last, flaws and all.

Exactly the same.

As he instinctively shoved his hands in his pockets, he felt a folded piece of paper. He pulled it out, and unfolded it, and the sobs he had finally managed to hold back came flooding back at full force.

“ UR FAM-ILY! ” 

Patton had  _ always  _ been there for him, without fail.

And even now, amidst the despair, Patton had unintentionally come through for Virgil.

For the last time.

_ This was just a sad invention,  _

_ It wasn’t real, I know. _

Virgil took a shaky breath, and told himself again; “You’re an outcast.” 

_ But we were happy. _

“This is what’s best for everyone.  _ Destroy it.”  _

But he couldn’t. 

_ I guess I couldn’t let that go. _

No matter how hard he willed the card to disappear, it just wouldn’t go away.

_ I guess I couldn’t give that up. _

He gave in, and held the card to his chest. 

One little memory couldn’t hurt.

_ I guess I wanted to believe, _ _   
_ _ Cos if I just believe, _

_ Then I don’t have to see, _

_ What’s really there. _

Resolving to hide the card out of his sight, rather than destroying it, he pulled it away, looking one last time. 

To Virgil’s horror, the card had changed.

The big heart had broken, and the words had been crossed out in yellow ink. 

And the sides on the other page were no longer Roman, Patton and Logan. 

Deceit, Remus and  bitchboi had taken their places.

_ No, I’d rather pretend I’m something better than these broken parts. _

Scrawled across the front in yellow ink was the words; “ Good for you, labalaba. ”

Only one side had ever called him that.

Only one side was capable of conveying their sarcastic tone through words.

Only one side held all of Virgil’s secrets in the palm of his gloved hands. 

_ Pretend I’m something other than this mess that I am.  _

He tried again to will the card into nonexistence, but to no avail.

_ 'Cause then I don't have to look at it, _ __   
  


Deciding instead to get rid of the card manually, Virgil gripped one end with his teeth, and tore it apart, through floods of tears.

_ And no one gets to look at it, _

Virgil ripped the paper to shreds, ignoring the remorse he felt for Patton’s creation.

_ No, no one can really see _

Once it was well and truly irreparable, Virgil was able to make the remains of the card vanish.

_ 'Cause I've learned to slam on the brake _

_ Before I even turn the key _

Now totally rid of every piece of his life with the Light Sides, Virgil fell to his knees, heavy sobs racking his body.

_ Before I make the mistake _

_ Before I lead with the worst of me _

It was over. 

His secret was out, his connections were destroyed.

He was done. 

Virgil let out a strangled cry.

_ I never let them see the worst of me. _

He looked up at the empty room around him, and felt regret building in his stomach.

_ 'Cause what if everyone saw? _

He had just destroyed every piece of evidence he had ever been accepted by his family.

But had he been accepted, honestly?

_ What if everyone knew? _

They hadn’t known everything about him.

They had only accepted what they knew.

_ Would they like what they saw? _

His “big secret” only really skimmed the surface of his horrible past.

He really was the bad guy.

_ Or would they hate it too? _

But they wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore.

_ Will I just keep on running away from what's true? _

“ Running only makes things worse, labalaba... ”

Those words haunted him.

_ All I ever do is run. _

But what other choice did he have?

His thoughts whirled this way, back and forth for a while.

_ So how do I step in _

_ Step into the sun? _

He cried and cried, trying to find a solution, an answer, before eventually curling up on the floor, and dozing off.

_ Step into the sun… _

_ “Because I was one of them…” _


End file.
